Dear Stephanie,

I was with a sexy, outspoken woman last weekend and we were starting to fool around when she reached her hand down my pants. She suddenly stopped and looked at me in shock. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that my penis was too small. Her exact words were, "I'd get off better with your hand!" I was insulted and horrified. This has never happened to me before. Can you tell me if this is common? Does size really matter?
--Good things come in small packages

Dear Mini-Dick,

I devoted an entire two hour talk show to this subject and the repeated response is... YES! Size does matter. But, that can work both ways! It can be too small or too big. It sounds like, unfortunately, you are of the too small variety and I have an immense amount of pity for you. We women can be so superficial! But in our defense, I know just as many men, if not more, that think that breast size matters, or the size of the lips, etc. So we all have our preferences. Here are a few tips for over coming your little secret syndrome.
1. Actual penetration is a small part of the sexual act so practice, practice, practice on your tongue exercises. Learn how to lick pussy like a lesbian. (This is actually a recommendation for all men, of any cock size!)
2. There are many exciting sex toys out there to be discovered! Try one of the penis extensions and perhaps even a nice size dildo to get her off when she enevitably asks, "Is it in yet?"
3. Turn of all the lights when things get hot and heavy. Make it really dark so that she cannot tell what is going on. Then proceed to deceive her and use your finger! Any of the fabulous sex toys can be substituted here.
4. Only go out with women who are dying to try anal sex. They will be thankful for your less than generous package.
5. I don't know much about penile implants, but I do know they exist and supposedly work, so if all the above ideas still aren't cutting it, go have a consultation with a doctor who specializes in this procedure.

Dear Stephanie,

I've had sex with 4 different guys in total, and only have a problem with one of them. My current fling's dick is so huge, it hardly fits inside of me and it hurts when he tries hard to get in me. This is very frustrating for him because I usually have to stop it before he finishes; it's just too intense (not in a good way). How do you have sex with a porn-star endowed guy without it killing and tearing you apart? I really need some help on this one.
--Stretching to oblivion

Dear Stretching,

First of all you need to thank your lucky stars that you are crying out "Stop!" instead of "Have you started yet?" You can't build things without a good tool and at least you have something to work with. Without telling me the exact dimensions, I don't know how huge the thing really is, but please remember...women shoot babies out of there. Yes, big round heads, flabby bodies and 4 limbs. I'm not saying they do it for pleasure, however, the point I'm trying to make is that is that the damn things stretch! And if you've only had sex with 4 partners, perhaps it's your lack of experience that is really hurting you. For instance, are you having any foreplay? With a heavy hitter like him you need to get very warmed up, revved up and juiced up, and if for any reason the juice isn't flowing like Niagara Falls, you need to get lubed up. If you are super wet and he is careful while starting, you should be able to get past this not so little issue without too much trouble.

Dear Stephanie,

What do you think that most women consider to be too small? Have you ever turned a guy down because of the size of his penis? And, do you think that most women are really size queens?
--Mr. Not So Happy

Dear Mr. Not So Happy,

I just happened to be sitting in a room full of women when I received your e-mail and thought I would address the question to everyone. There's no better way to help some poor, size challenged man with this sort of dilemma than to turn him over to the girls. Women in their sexual prime are always ready and willing to tackle any kind of penis questions, especially those concerning size.

"Don't you get at least 10 different versions of the same question every week?" One of them asked.

"Well...actually, yes."

"God, men sure are obsessed with their dick size!" Another blurted out.

And then it hit me. All these men out there freaking and worrying about if women are all Size Queens, when in reality, it is the men who are the Size Kings. Face it boys, it means a whole hell of a lot more to you than it does to us.

Now don't get me wrong, women do care. Just not in an obsessive, narcissistic way. I have to admit, there's something exciting about reaching down a man's pants for the first time and finding a more than generous amount of hunka, hunka, burning love. But soon after that, the novelty wears off. So, in order to keep our interest our man must have other redeeming qualities. This is where the men who are so impressed with their overabundance of manly package often mess up. It seems they are so consumed with adoring their cocks, that they neglect other facets of themselves, you know those insignificant things like their personality or social graces. Yes, we are appreciative of the morning after, awkward walk resembling that of a cowgirl with a mechanical bull for a boyfriend. Sometimes we even enjoy having to ice our nether regions after an all night encounter, but we don't live for it. And from my experience, I have found that a good number of men with the big ones are so damn proud of their slabs that they feel the need to play show and tell with every woman they meet. I even knew one guy who made up a song about his grandiose groin and would strum the guitar and serenade us with the unbearable lyrics. Thus, came my first ever pair of earplugs.

When you ask what is too small, once again I polled the room and most agreed that anything under four inches can be difficult to work with. And it was unanimous that girth is tremendously more important than length, in fact, all of us would rather have a short fatty than a long skinny. However, there is one real benefit to having a size impaired member, and that is the amazing blow jobs. I imagine it must feel great to be able to put the entire thing in someone's mouth and, believe me, your long schlong(sp?) brothers will never know this thrill. I had a male friend a few years back who was quite open about the fact that his dick was barely bigger than his thumb, and his famous quote after nailing someone was always...

"Well, at least I can get the whole thing in. I'd hate to be going at it doggy style and not be able to slam it in as hard as I want to."
And he meant it. Attitude is everything.

I have never turned a guy down because of the size of his penis, but it just might keep me from going back for seconds. I do have a story about one that I very well should have turned down, not just because of size, although it was a big or should I say not so big part of it. This happened over 5 years ago and, on occasion, my friends still tease me about it. I call him 'The Vibrating Man' and my experience with him was, by far, the worst sex I, or probably anyone alive, has ever known. From the moment we started kissing, or better stated, the moment he began to swallow my face and lick me from ear to ear, I wondered if this guy had any sexual experience at all. Soon, the answer was painfully revealed when, instead of rhythmically rocking my world, he violently vibrated me off my bed. It was so hideous that I had to put an end to the misery about 5 minutes into it and sent him on his not so merry little way. Yes, size was a factor. It was so small that all that vibration made it difficult for him to even stay in. But, even if he had the most impressive dick around, his motion would still be enough to make anyone sea sick.

My advice to you is to first, stop worrying about it so much. Insecurity shows, even if you aren't saying anything. Feel good about the body you have and realize that there is a lot more to sex than penetration. Most women I know would rather have an oral orgasm, so if you haven't already done this, then starting right now, I want you to learn how to go down like a lesbian. If you develop your other sexual skills to perfection, and make sure you have a woman screaming before you even think of putting your Mr. Not So Happy anywhere near her, you will win her over. If you still need more to keep her satisfied, remember, sex toys are your friends. Go out and get yourself a drawer-full of them. A woman who loves good sex will always appreciate a well prepared man.

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