Dear Stephanie,
I am an attractive, intelligent and successful woman in a relationship with a man for two years. Six months ago we moved to Denver from North Platte, Nebraska for work. I love it here, but I hate that there are so many beautiful women. In Nebraska the odds of finding a hot woman are about the same as the odds of finding a hip club that doesn’t play country music. But here we are in hip club-hot woman Denver and I am beginning to get insecure! Every time we are in public, he looks at these other women. I don't mean just a casual glance; I'm talking about a series of stares. It usually goes like this, he will look...pause...look again...glance away....look again....check me to see if I am noticing this....hope that I'm not and then look again.......look at me for a second......look again, repeat series. And sometimes he even turns around after they pass to check out their back side! It's so embarrassing to me and breaks my heart. He says he is faithful and there is nothing wrong with "looking", but this behavior makes me question his loyalty. I never had to deal with this in Nebraska! Is it normal for men to do this? How do I get him to stop?
--Invisible
Dear Invisible,
There is definitely a difference between looking and staring. I think it’s somewhat natural for people to notice hot strangers. We all do it and most of us women notice the other gorgeous women just as much as we do the men. So, if it’s just noticing, then you should be more secure with yourself than to actually let this diminish your esteem. After all, he moved here with you and has been with you for a long time. If you have told him that it bothers you and he continues to do it, then there are deeper problems in your relationship that you will need to confront.
After close examination of the way you describe his glancing, I agree that it seems like a much more than just noticing! I’m afraid you may have a Lookie-Lou on your hands and they are the most embarrassing, slobbering breed of man a woman can take out in public. I always wonder, if they are that blatant when you are around, just think of how they must be when you are not present. That alone is enough to send me and any self respecting woman into eternal singleness.
To answer your question, how do you get him to stop? Rip his wandering eyes right out of their goggling sockets, making sure to place them in a lock box. Otherwise, the dangling balls will still, somehow find a way to disrespect you at every turn. Just about every time I am in public I see some pathetic Lookie Lou, just like your boyfriend, leering at me, all the while walking beside a quite competent partner. Does it make me excited? Am I flattered at his appreciative stares? That would be no, it disgusts me. I feel immense pity for the woman, who usually in my opinion is WAY hotter than he could ever hope to be, and it makes me hate him for basically being a guy and doing his God-given duty of checking out everything that breathes. Someday I'm going to walk up to the rubber-necker and say.... “I really should introduce myself since you have already become so acquainted with my ass, breasts, eyes, or whatever it is Mr. Mangler should have taken a picture of instead of trying to memorize every detail.”
You ask, is it normal for him to do this? Of course, he and his booze guzzling, hair thinning, skirt chasing buddies will say yes. But the truth is he should feel honored that a great catch is actually giving attention to him. There might be thousands of beautiful women out there, but to find one who is smart, successful and fun to be with is more than rare. I've seen it so many times before...an average guy gets himself a winning lottery ticket and suddenly has irrational thoughts of it happening again. "Gee, I know 36 million dollars will make me happy for the rest of my sorry life, but maybe I should put it all down on this roulette table and see if I can get MORE!!" And when he is inevitably left with nothing more than his booze buddies and memories of the good old days, let the sucker know he should have bet on black, because that's going to be the color of the hole where his empty, unappreciative heart once resided.
If there is any hope at all of this relationship surviving, you need to tell him one last time that this hurts you and that if you see it again you will leave him. Remember, not only does Denver have hot women, we have an abundance of even hotter, single men. If he does agree to stop, please be patient with your Lurker because self control is something that takes a long time to learn, especially for men. And, unfortunately, by the time that finally happens, his eyesight will begin to go. Then the poor bastard won't know the difference between a sexy woman and a muscle bound man in hot-pink, leather chaps (something else you will occasionally find in Denver). Now, that’s what I call justice!
Dear Stephanie,
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with my partner while experimenting with 3rd parties? It is something I have thought about and we have fantasized about, but I am a little nervous if it will harm our relationship.
--Is 3 really company?
Dear Is 3 really company,
There are so many variables to this question. First of all, I would say it's very possible if you can honestly answer yes to all or most of the following questions...
1. Does your partner's pleasure mean more to you than your own?
2. Does it turn you on to think of sharing your lover with someone else?
3. Do you trust your lover implicitly?
4. Are you completely, 100% secure with your sexuality?
5. Do you consider yourself open-minded sexually?
Now, to the contrary, if you answer no to even one of the questions below, you better steer clear of any threesomes or swinging. Even if your partner is actively trying to get you to experiment, it's best that you keep your relationship completely one on one.
1. Do you worry that your partner finds other people more attractive than you?
2. Have you had experiences in love where you have felt uncontrollably jealous?
3. Does the thought of seeing the one you love with another make you feel upset, sick, jealous, sad or furious?
4. Have you done things in the past because someone really wanted you to, only to feel complete regret later?
5. Do you consider swinging to be an act of disloyalty?
If you are on the road to having a threesome, just make sure the lines of communication are wide open. (as well as other things)
Also, move slowly and make sure the person you invite into your intimate relationship respects both you and your partner, as well as the relationship you share.
Dear Stephanie,
I am in a relationship with this guy who never calls me except late at night after he has been out partying. Then he is so sweet and tells me how much he wants to see me. The next morning he is a different person, cold and in a hurry to go. But a couple nights later, he turns into a sap again. What do you think is going on?
--Confused
Dear Confused,
I'm not sure what you want out of this relationship, but it sounds to me like you are just his fuck buddy. That means you are someone he keeps around for those extra horny moments when, either his girlfriend is busy or he has no one else to call. Those late night calls are nothing more than booty calls. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a booty call is a last minute call from someone usually considered a fuck buddy, generally after midnight and very often driven by alcohol consumption. The contents of the conversation frequently contain...
"Hi. I miss you. Can I come over?"
or
"I am in the mood to hold you."
or
"I think I left my watch there, can I come by and get it?"
Any of these are fine if you have already established a fuck buddy relationship with someone, however, if you are like some recent men I have met, you may have overlooked the simple, yet important stage of courtship. I am not by any means an old fashioned girl, but calling a girl after midnight when you have only just met, or have never even kissed is, as far as I'm concerned, a tad eager. Now there may be such a thing as an eager beaver, but I can tell you right now, this eager fellow comes nowhere near the beaver in my book.
Here's a message that was left on my voicemail last week from a guy I had only met briefly and hadn't gone on a single date with yet.....
"Ooooh, that message sounded soooo sensuuuaaal girl, you've got it gooooing on from top to bottom, head to toe...matter fact, I'd love to give those toes a foot rub...anyway, this is____ I just got off work, as I previously mentioned I work nights, anyway, it's 2:20 in the morning and I'd love to talk to you...I really felt a connection talking with you the other night..so, anyway, call me as soon as you get this."
Part of me really wanted to return his call at 7 AM and wake his ass up the way he did mine. I'm sure my toes wouldn't have sounded as enticing then when he was trying to sleep off his hangover. But instead, I never called him back. There's just something about an overanxious guy that totally turns me off.
It's up to you if you want to continue to be his fuck buddy or not. There's nothing wrong with the situation, however, I don't see it turning into anything more than just sex if he is cold and insensitive in the morning. If you have feelings for him that go beyond an occasional roll in the sheets, then I suggest you dump him. If you do decide to keep him around as a fuck buddy, don't let him stay the night anymore. Then you don't have to deal with his frigidity in the morning, and who knows, maybe it will make him miss you a bit.
Dear Stephanie,
When is the right time to bring up my past to my current girlfriend? I really want to tell her that I have had experiences with men. It was a long time ago, but I feel it's imperative to having an honest relationship.
--Matt
Dear Matt,
You didn't tell me how long you've been with her already, so it's difficult to answer. However, I think the sooner, the better! Then if she has a problem with it, you'll lose her before there's too much time and energy invested. The way you tell her is just as important. Don't be in the middle of dinner passing the salt and blurt out, "By the way honey, did you know that I can suck cock like a vacuum?" Be delicate! Ask her if she has ever experimented with group sex, other women, etc. Then you may confess and tell her that you are glad you've gotten all of that stuff out of your system so that you can be the best person possible in your current relationship with her.
Dear Stephanie,
I broke up with my cheater boyfriend about 7 months ago and it's really starting to get to me. I thought I was glad to have the jerk gone, but now I am feeling physically needy. I have only had sex a couple of times, both of which were one night stands. I don't like not getting any and I'm wondering if I made a mistake. All of my friends are in serious relationships, although, I have to admit, none of them are all that happy. But they are all getting laid! Do I sacrifice my dignity or my sex life?
--Missing the regular pump
Dear Missing,
It's unfortunate that you are missing the regular pump, but haven't you heard of the self serve pump? It's quite common and accessible these days, and I suggest you give it a try before you even consider losing an ounce of dignity to a cheating loser. Is getting regular sex worth constantly wondering about who else he is sleeping with? Not to mention the countless diseases he will end up subjecting you to. So what if your friends are all hooked up? I've heard that misery loves company, so get away from the unhappy couples and find some single friends to hang out with. A group of single women act as major dick magnets and if regular sex is what you need, then go out and find yourself a boytoy.
What is a boytoy, you ask? Let me pull out the siren dictionary for you.
Boytoy (noun)
a. Young, gorgeous man, preferably younger than the self, who performs sexual duties on a regular basis.
b. One who asks no questions, carries a pager and is constantly erect.
c. A well versed man who understands the meaning of the following phrases:
1. I have a headache tonight.
2. I don't care if the Broncos are ahead, I need a massage.
3. It's 3 AM and time for my sponge bath.
d. A man who has the ability to breathe out his ears if necessary during his ever-important tongue treatments.
So now that you are equipped with the facts, go out there and get yourself one of these commodities, and trust me, they are out there in massive quantities. Then when you are getting the regular lovin' you have been aching for, you can use all that extra energy that was previously wasted on loser men (unfortunately, an even bigger group out there) and teach all your long lost friends, you know, the unlucky ones putting up with crap from non-boytoy types, how to really live.
Dear Stephanie,
You often mention boytoys and how they can make women over thirty, or women not getting enough stimulation for that matter, feel like a queen. And I feel like I'm participating in an immense disservice to my female elders, I being 19, by not aiding an older woman. It could be a sense of duty to feel this way. On the other hand it might just be that I have a thing for older women. In any case, it seems as though, correct me if I'm wrong, that you are constantly getting picked on by your friends, pertaining to your sexual tastes for younger men. Now I'm not saying I'm trying to rescue you or anything. Don't get me wrong, my sexual prowess is inferior to yours by a fair amount I'd imagine. I'm just saying that it would be an honor to get bossed around and treated like a piece of meat by a woman of your beauty and stature.
--Yours for the taking, Chad
Dear Chad,
Thank you so much for your inquiry and even more so for submitting your questionnaire and application. I realize the questions were lengthy and a bit personal, but one can never be too sure when they are on the search for the perfect house boy/boy toy. Although you do show a lot of promise and enthusiasm, I will have to say no for now. Please apply again when you have completed 800 hours of massage therapy school. Also, don't forget those letters of recommendation from other women commending your services, bonus points if the handwriting looks shaky from their trembling afterglow. For those of you who still feel brave enough to apply, here is a fraction of the questionnaire that Chad so eagerly sent in.
1) Pick out the quote that best describes your attitude.
A. "Wham bam thank you ma'am"
B. "I'm here for the beer"
C. "How may I serve?"
2) During sex, has anyone ever asked the dreadful question..."Is it in yet?"
3) When giving a massage you.....
A. Don't stop till the hands go numb.
B. Use one hand for me, one hand for you.
C. "Massage? What's that?"
4) How quickly can you get dressed and out the door after services rendered?
A. 5 minutes, unless a last minute request is given.
B. However long it takes to slip back into my toga.
C. Depends on if I can wake up.
For a complete application, please send photo, spa gift card and sappy poem to sirenweb@aol.com.
Dear Siren Lady,
My girlfriend hates wearing high heels, but I think they're really sexy. I don't want to leave her, but I fantasize about her wearing heels while we have sex. Is there any way I can get her turned on to this sexy footwear?
-- Sexy Stiletto Stud
Dear Stud,
Why does she hate high heels? If it's the fact that they are uncomfortable, just tell her that I've yet to find a pair of sexy stilettos that bother me with my legs stretched high in the air. In fact, there are times I insist on leaving my heels on during sex so that I can make a rapid exit if necessary. If comfort isn't the issue, then we have to figure out why she doesn't want to do something that she knows turns you on. Since I'm not usually one to hold back on fulfilling a man's fantasy, I asked several of my hot friends for a possible answer. These are some of the reasons they gave me....
1. "Maybe she is mad at him and he needs to figure out what the hell he has done if he ever wants to get his dick wet again!" (OK, so she's a little extreme. Read on.)
2. "Perhaps she thinks it reminds him of a past lover and she is jealous." (Interesting possibility.)
3. "I'll bet he's one of those guys that gets off too fast and she's afraid if she introduces anything inciting into their lovemaking that she will never have an orgasm again." (Why didn't I think of that one first!)
4. "Why is he so worried about what turns him on? What has he done for her lately?" (Yes, that was from the same girl who gave answer number 1.)
So now all you can do is beg her to wear them and, of course, that means you need to buy them for her. Have you seen how expensive a hot pair of shoes are these days?
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