Dear Stephanie,

I know that us guys get the bad rep for cheating, but I think it's the ladies these days that can't keep their skirts on. I was wondering if you find this to be true? I would also like to know why you think people cheat. Also, what should I do if I find my girlfriend cheating?
--Tired of the two timers

Dear Tired,

Cheating. The dirty little habit that people deny almost as vehemently as they do masturbating. I'm not so sure that men were ever the ones who cheated the most, they just seem to get caught the most. Women can be much more devious about it and have an uncanny ability to leave no trails behind. Only recently, however, have women felt comfortable owning up to their two-timing ways, thus everyone thinking women are going through some sort of cheating revolution.

I do think that men and women cheat for different reasons. Men do it because they can. Their egos inflate quicker than their dicks when they think a woman wants to have sex with them. It's total validation. It's like a voice in their heads telling them..."Oh Yeah, You the man!" And the funny thing about men is that they can be totally and completely in love with someone and still do it. Their primary relationship can be perfect, but that won't stop them from dipping the dumb stick where it doesn't belong. And it's only when they get caught that they suddenly have a conscience about it. And they never seem to have a good, solid reason for it. Their excuses range from..."It was a mistake, I didn't mean it." to "I swear, I didn't even see the gaping hole. I just tripped and fell in, really."

Women on the other hand, use cheating for either replacing what's missing and/or revenge. You want to know how to get a woman to cheat? Make her feel unappreciated and taken for granted. Women need to feel treasured and adored by their man and, believe me, if you aren't doing it, there are countless others out there ready, willing and waiting. And that's how it happens. She's sitting at Starbucks, tears slowly dripping in her latte, when Mr. Cuter, Richer and More Attentive than thou saunters up and offers her a tissue and everything else you stopped giving long ago. The other reason you may find your chickie cheating is if she has caught you in some philandering of your own. It doesn't matter if it was a meaningless encounter or not. She will always remember, and she will always use it to rationalize any upcoming flirtation that looks her way. That's the way women are. Sometimes we get pissed, but you can bet your ass we always get even.

If you do encounter this again, you need to assess the relationship and figure out what brought on the betrayal. Perhaps she is just that kind of girl, and in that case dump her immediately. However, if it's something you feel partially responsible for, do everything to make it right and only give her one more chance. Although cheating is always a painful lesson, sometimes it's a wake up call to bring in more gratitude and excitement in your relationship.

Dear Stephanie,

I never believed in spring fever before but now I understand. My boyfriend of 7 months has suddenly started acting cold. He used to want to spend every moment with me and now he's always got an excuse to be away. He doesn't want me to jog with him anymore and one of my friends told me she saw him driving with a girl last Friday night. When I asked him about it he accused me of having spies and called me psycho. I don't know what to do. Is this a phase he's going through, or should I start looking for a new boyfriend?
--Hopelessly Devoted to Him

Dear Hopeless,

Once a very well meaning friend said to me... "Wake up and smell the carcass." It was the one time in many years that I was acting like an idiot over a guy. I'm glad it happened because it reinforced something I thought I had already ingrained. Put up with nothing! If a guy suddenly stops wanting to spend all his time with you and he hasn't started a new job, training for the Ironman or a 15 credit semester, then it's pretty obvious that it is another woman. You even have the evidence of him being seen with someone. If this is something you want to put up with, whether it's a phase or not, then you need more than a new boyfriend. You need a new spine.

Dear Stephanie,

When I get aroused with my girlfriend my dick only seems to get half hard, but when I go out with other women my dick goes crazy and can fuck for hours on end, even without alcohol in my system. Do you think mentally I am just tired of the same old pussy every night or am I just paranoid?
P. S. You make my pants go crazy!
-- Nothing but a hard ache

Dear Nothing,

Paranoid about what? The fact that you are a cheater? So you're soft with your girlfriend, someone that you have become "tired of the same old pussy" with and you're rock hard with all these other women? Well, then my advice is simple, keep fucking new chicks every night. Don't ever see the same woman twice and enjoy your super erect dick and empty, shallow life. Oh, and yes, please break up with the girlfriend so that she has a chance to find a man who knows how to treat her.

P. S. Me and every other woman with a pussy and a pulse.

Dear Stephanie,

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a year. During this year he went on about how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, have kids, and so on. The relationship was very rocky which led me to believe that the relationship would not work out. He also had no ambition or goals which completely worried me. Even though I was truly in love with him I broke up with him. We stopped speaking for a while and he began dating someone else. Three months after our breakup we began seeing each other again and he did everything to assure me that he cared for me and that he was breaking up with his girlfriend. He used the knowledge that I still wanted our relationship to work to keep me around, yet he also secretly kept his girlfriend. It has been a year and I'm fed up with him and his cheating self. I have dismantled whatever relationship we did have but want him to know that he cannot treat women the way he does. His girlfriend still doesn't know anything about me. It is very convenient for him to hide it from her because she is a flight attendant. I feel she deserves that courtesy of knowing. How do you think I should get him back, and let her know without her assuming that I'm lying to get him back?
--Naomi

Dear Naomi,

Let us pray that you don't want him back. During your letter you have pointed out that he is a liar, cheater and has no goals or ambition, so remember that when he comes whimpering back to you, as they all do when they have been caught. As always, the best revenge is getting on with your life and being happy without him. Yes, it sounds good, but until that moment of enlightenment overcomes you, let's get him!
This letter hits personally because a long time ago I was in a similar situation where a loser was playing me and a flight attendant. It's so easy to do that with a flight attendant because of her continued absences. The funny thing is, when we found out about each other, we became good friends and we both dumped him. It was great, we both lost 200 pounds of dead weight and gained a lifelong friend.
I don't think I would even call it revenge, since what you will be doing by telling her is a service. She needs to know that this loser has been lying to her for the last year. But before you call her up and tell her everything, it's good to have some proof. He may have already warned her that a psycho ex will be calling and making up lies. You know that's what they do in situations like this. What kind of proof? Have you saved any sappy messages on your voicemail from him? Hopefully yes. This is something you ALWAYS do in a relationship, save everything. What about emails? Letters or cards? You need solid evidence and if you don't have any, why not call him up and tape record the conversation? Get him to talk about the last year and ask him how he could keep two women strung along for so long. Ask him if he loved you more than her, that's a sure way to bury him. Ask him about the sex you've had together and get real explicit. Who cares if you look like a sniveling geek, in the end you will ruin his relationship with her and who knows, maybe she will end up being a friend. You guys already have your lousy taste in men in common.

Dear Stephanie,

I know this sounds bad, but I can't seem to keep my dick in my pants. At one time I would have considered myself selective, but now ever since my 30th birthday, I can't say no to any woman who comes gives me a second glance. It doesn't even matter what she looks like! Afterwards I feel very guilty and bad about myself. What do you think about this?
--Daniel D.

Dear Daniel,

I think you feel bad about yourself all the time, not just after these pathetic attempts at making yourself feel like a desirable man. When will men like you realize that a sexual conquest is just that. Nothing more! It doesn't make you more attractive, special, cool, manly or anything else that you imagine it to be. Being easy just shows your lack in all of those things. I have known many guys like you who will go for anything with a pussy and a pulse and all they end up with are a few diseases and even lower self-esteem. So what if you are 30, big deal! Most people get wiser as they get older. Grow the hell up!

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